Singing the blues in today’s housing market? Here’s your open house playlist

“Love nest” The B-52

Here’s a romantic take on a $2 million 300-square-foot starter studio in Somerville. (Fred Schneider mentions a Chrysler with “about 20 seats,” which also appears to be a viable accommodation option in the current market.)

“Town” John Mellencamp

Millennials, smash that every time you realize you’re price-wise distant from the suburb you grew up in.

“Our house” Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young

Graham Nash’s 1970 paean to the simple Laurel Canyon bungalow he shared with Joni Mitchell describes a roaring fire, cats roaming the garden, and flowers. The current average home price in Laurel Canyon is now $2.6 million.

“homecoming” Simon & Garfunkel

Paul Simon and Art Garfunkle paint a melancholic picture of an uprooted troubadour, lonely in a train station, longing for the comforts of home. They sing:

“But all my words come back to me

In shades of mediocrity

Like emptiness in harmony

I need someone to comfort me.”

Substitute “Shades of Dusty Mauve” and “emptiness in my bank account,” and the tune captures your typical open house.

“Burn Down the House” The talking heads

Sounds tempting, right?

“money for nothing” Dire Straits

Mark Knopfler wrote this after overhearing a conversation between delivery men complaining about their jobs, but he really could have written it about a 23-year-old magically producing $800,000 in cash and doing it 20 other buyers who were outbid save a decade.

“Further up” Curtis Mayfield

Impossible in this market.

“Stuck With You” Huey Lewis and the News

Huey Lewis intended this to be a love song:

“We are bound to everyone else

Like the same phone number

All the same friends

And the same address”

Sing this to your disgruntled longtime roommate after another failed move out attempt.

“I still haven’t found what I’m looking for” U2

The lawsuit of the home seeker.

“Never Gonna Give You Up” Rick Astley

The anthem for every homeowner who bought in suburban Boston before 2006.

“House of the Rising Sun” The animals

This snarling ode to a New Orleans brothel could also help sell an east-facing New England property with dramatic floor-to-ceiling windows and captivating sunrises. The only torture will be the mortgage.

“The Tide Is High” blonde

Who cares about the flood zone and lack of drainage in the basement?

“Taking the Long Way Home” super tramp

Once you realize you’ll never find a home in the greater Boston area, resign yourself to spending most of your waking time in traffic.

“(I’ve been) looking for so long” Chicago

You will find your dream home… eventually.

“Take the money and run” Steve Miller Band

Here’s for the sellers: hopefully before your potential buyer discovers mold in the attic, button-and-pipe wiring in the kitchen, and the cluster of mysterious bones in the ceiling.

“Black water” The Doobie brothers

Remember to test install a home before making an offer.

“Please come to Boston” David Loggins

If you can afford it.

“You can’t touch this” MC Hammer

Best to be realistic.

“I’ll go to the extreme” Billy Joel

Claim this before signing your mortgage.

“Wild, Wild West” The Escape Club

Worcester looks awfully appealing.

“The Old Apartment” Naked ladies

“Why did you paint the walls?

Why did you clean the floor?

Why did you plaster

The hole I punched in the door?

We used to live here!”

Answer: We painted the walls because they were lilac lilac; we cleaned the floor because it was unhealthy; and we plastered that hole you put in the door because the New England winter is cold. Even so, we still paid $150,000 too much for your cabin, so stop asking stupid questions.

“Welcome to the jungle” Guns N’ Roses

Hum this every time you tour a home with startlingly floral wallpaper.

“Dancing on the Ceiling” Lionel Richie

And you could, considering the amount of glue holding those joists together.

“Against All Odds (Look At Me Now)” PhilCollins

Congratulations: you’ve found a four-bedroom Colonial within 15 miles of Boston for less than seven dollars – and you didn’t even have to forfeit the inspection!

“Dirty laundry” Don Henley

Do you really expect a working washing machine these days?

“Don’t stand so close to me” The police

Which is impossible when the kitchen is the size of a gumball.

“Another Brick in the Wall” Pink Floyd

A crumbling foundation is only annoying at this point.

“Dust in the Wind” Kansas

Ah, the cozy feeling of touring a home that hasn’t been updated, redecorated, or cleaned since Nixon retired.

“Handyman” JamesTaylor

Surely you can fix the faulty wiring yourself. (Not!)

“Good mood” The Beach Boys

If the siding has a woodpecker damage.

“Life on Mars?” David Bowie

The prices could be better there.

“Mother-in-law” Ernie K Doe

Your prospective roommate if you don’t make an offer quickly.

“Our house” insanity

“Our house in the middle of our street”… You will overlook any imperfections, even a freeway running through your living room, or absolutely no front yard to snag a place to stay in this market.

“I’m not too proud to beg” The temptations

Because a sentimentally overloaded offer letter is not a disgrace.

“Money (that’s what I want)” Beret Stark

Enough said.

Kara Baskin can be reached at Follow her on Twitter @kcbaskin.

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